In The Words Of Sulu...

...oh my...

The Genius Of Mumsie

I got this fantastic Arsenal shirt at the age of 8, now, a mere 18 years later, it still fits.

Here's to Mumsie for making me get a shirt that was MILES too big at the time. Long term, it was a fantastic decision.

6 Toast: Hell On Earth

2 toast has always been the preferred option, but when you feel like slightly more charcoal on your bread, you gotta turn it up.

3 toast! But 3 toast set off the smoke alarm. What does the dial go up to? 6 TOAST!!??!! Why would you want toast THAT toasted? Toasted to dust surely?

I'm too scared to even try 6 toast, what would happen? What would be the worldwide impact? The risks, THE RISKS!!!!!

Walk-On Keyboard Access

When you've got it, take full advantage, because if it gets put out for sale at £2.99, it ain't gonna last long and you may never see it again. Tear.

Point Break

How have I only just seen this. Crap, 7/10.

Does my review make no sense? Possibly. Independence Day is crap, but 9/10 crap. It's damn good crap. Point Break is crap of a quite high standard.

2 > 1

Not the most profound equation admittedly, but it's especially true when it comes to sofas.

Aussie Twang

When giving a cricket training session, always speak with an Australian accent. English cricketers lack credibility.

Complimentary Drinks

Are only complimentary if you bring my damn change back.

Avoid Becoming A Zombie: Tip #1

When shooting yourself in the mouth, have your mouth full of liquid. This will prevent any embarrassing 'failing to kill oneself' injuries to the skull and guarantees you won't have to clean up the mess post-game.

Let The Right One In

A fine movie and apparently the book's better. I'll be giving it a read.

8/10

Predictive Text

There needs to be an option to confirm new entries into the predictive text dictionary in all phones.

Words that have been added to my phone today due to this oversight; headphoner and unhygienib.

Here's an alternative plan; as a default, include the words; headphones and unhygienic, instead of lol and :-)

I suppose another idea is for me not to make those errors in the first place...

Longer Lasting Headphones

Somebody needs to get their arse into gear and design longer lasting headphones. Specifically, a longer lasting right headphone. Every pair I've ever had, the right headphone has failed.

Here's an idea to get you clever design type people started; use two left headphones as the default.

Is it too paranoid to think maybe all right headphones are designed with some kind of built in flaw? Just imagine a world where headphones never went wrong. You'd only need one pair, ever. It's like that ad about really long lasting chewing gum. How could a company stay in business if their product was too reliable?

The particularly annoying thing is that they tend to go wrong right at the beginning of a long-ass journey, leaving chumps like me at risk of hearing the inane ramblings of know-all photographer douchebags and the high pitched squeal of particularly irritating soon to be single students.

Birmingham

Birmingham is twinned with Milan! WTF!?!

Work In Progress

I haven't yet decided exactly what shall be inscribed on these pages...